


For Me This Is Heaven

by bookworm03



Series: For Me This is Heaven Universe [1]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookworm03/pseuds/bookworm03
Summary: When Ben Wyatt was four years old he was officially introduced to his Guardian Angel.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ashisfriendly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashisfriendly/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL ASH!!!
> 
> You are a precious sunflower who brightens my day and I love you dearly. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this. It was being problematic so it's now getting posted in two parts. Thank you so much for reading. Comments/kudos/likes/reblogs are amazing. Thank you in advance for leaving them!
> 
> Also, thank you to c00kie for reading this, keeping me from spiralling and working through it with me. <3

When Ben Wyatt was four years old he was officially introduced to his Guardian Angel.

He was playing in the sandbox, pushing the fine grains between his fingers and too little to think about who else had been in there or what they’d done, when she appeared. She was tiny with blonde curls bouncing around her face. She waved and he waved back, a little hesitantly. A quick glance around showed Ben no one else was in the vicinity except for his own mother, who was reading a book on a park bench with her hand on her growing baby bump. Where was this girl’s parents?

“Hi!” She exclaimed brightly and climbed onto the wooden planks framing the sandbox. It was a clear fall day and the rays of sun seemed to reverberate off her skin, giving her an almost iridescent glow. Ben was also too young to think anything was weird about that.

“Hi.”

"You’re Ben” she pointed at him. “It’s nice to finally talk to you.”

Even at four, Ben knew that was an odd thing to say considering he’d never seen this girl before in his life.

“Nice to meet you.” He tried carefully. The girl touched the sand and it didn’t push the same way it did when he moved it around. Instead it sort of vibrated around her fingers and then sank back to the ground. He blinked twice and everything seemed normal.

“I’m Leslie.”

“I don’t know you.” He squared his shoulders a little defensively. Leslie sighed dramatically, a blonde curl flopping in front of her eyes. When the breeze picked up they remained stagnant, which Ben thought curious.

Also, she was definitely... _shiny_.

“I know, but I know you. I’ve been watching you for a while now. I’m your guardian angel!”

He didn’t even have time to ask what that meant when his mother was calling him to go home. They had to pick up Henry from school. Ben stood carefully and started to ask if the girl would be okay.

“Oh!” She beamed. “You’re cute. I’m not really four, don’t worry about me.”

Ben was being pulled away from the sandbox gently before he could respond. Julia Wyatt paid no notice to the girl.

“Bye Benny!” Leslie waved. “See you soon!”

  
*****

He saw her again two nights later.

He was having a horrible dream, the kind where something dark and ominous was chasing him down his street and he was running as fast as his legs would carry him but the creature was gaining. He yelled for his mother and she screamed back and somehow he knew his father had already been gotten by the thing. It was closing the gap between them and just as a dark, cloud-like claw was about to reach out and grab him Ben jolted awake in a cold sweat. Henry and him weren’t sharing a room yet because the baby hadn’t been born, so there wasn't anyone around to be disturbed by Ben’s whimpers.

Instead, Leslie was in the room.

She shot him a sympathetic look and seemed to float onto the bed. She sat by his feet, chin in her hands. The edges of her outline glittered gold in the darkness.

“Bad dream?”

“Y-yes” he stuttered. He’d been ready to run for Julia, but his fear seemed to dissipate as he took in Leslie’s glowing frame.

“It’s okay, Benny. It was just your subconscious. I’d never let a monster get you. It’s my job to protect you.”

“Oh.” He reached for his favorite teddy bear, clutching it tightly to his chest. Leslie scooted a little closer.

“You don’t believe me.”

Ben was four, he didn’t know what to believe or not believe.

“I’m your guardian angel” she repeated. “I’m not four, but I thought you might like it better if I looked four. I want to be your friend. I’m actually a thousand and twelve, but who’s counting. That’s pretty young for an angel. I’m the youngest guardian angel on staff.”

“Oh.” He had no idea what she was talking about.

“My job is to keep you safe and offer you spiritual guidance. I’m here to help you always, and only you. You are my numero uno.”

“Oh.” He still had no idea what she meant. Again, she smiled and scooted even closer to him.

“For example, I’ll protect you from bad dreams. Okay? You’re sweaty and shaking.”

“O-okay.”

“Lie down, you need your sleep.”

He did as she told him and Leslie settled against him through the comforter. Every point of contact warmed him from the inside out. It was like a heating pad that was always exactly the right temperature. He exhaled.

“Goodnight, Benny!”

“Goodnight.”

*****

When Ben Wyatt was seven his parents got divorced.

And Leslie was there.

Henry locked himself in his room, Steph cried a lot when they yelled at each other and Ben just sort of existed. He tried to comfort his baby sister, but she just wanted their mother, who was crying a little and painting a lot more. Their house was littered with various watercolors, dull tulips seeming to melt into the ground and icy winter landscapes without a hint of brightness. Steven Wyatt moved out and would return occasionally with presents and to take Henry and Ben to their baseball practice, but it was never affectionate. Every moment they spent in each other’s company was tense.

“Dad, can we have pizza?” Henry asked one day when they were driving home. Steven growled _no_ and Henry asked why.

“Because your mother won’t let you have pizza” was the response they received. Leslie appeared beside Ben in the backseat then, frowning. She was seven now, just like him.

“He shouldn’t be saying things like that to you.” She declared. She was wearing an exact replica of his baseball jersey with his number (11) on the back. WYATT was printed in sparkly letters though.

“He shouldn’t be pitting you against your mother. It’s not right.”

Ben swallowed. He couldn’t answer her. He’d already been scolded for having an “imaginary friend” still. Leslie liked to appear and talk to him and the last time it had happened Steven had bitten his head off. His dad told him to grow up.

Henry, surprisingly, had not teased him about it.

“Pardon my French, but your dad’s a bit of a jerk, Benny. He shouldn’t make you feel bad about having a guardian angel or make you hate your mom.”

 Even at seven, Ben knew she was right.

*****

 “What movie is this?” Leslie asked ten year old Ben one day. Steph was at dance class with Julia and Henry was upstairs talking to a girl on the phone. Ben was alone, watching Star Wars.

Ben had no idea how Leslie had never seen Star Wars yet. He’d only watched it about fifty times in the last two years.

“I thought you were supposed to protect me. That means you should always be here, which means you should have seen Star Wars.”

Leslie rolled her eyes. She was wearing blue jeans and purple hoodie and her hair was in pigtails.

“You don’t do anything interesting when you watch it so I usually read books on baking. Baking sounds amazing. I wish I could do it. I’d eat everything.”

Ben paused the movie and turned to look at her.

“You can’t eat anything?”

“I’m an angel, Ben. I don’t need food. Honestly, if you took five minutes to get to know me…”

“How did you become an angel?”

“I just was one” she answered simply. “At least, I think so. If I was alive ever I don’t remember it. Maybe I was a really cool woman who did really cool woman things.”

“Maybe” Ben imagined Leslie would be the type of person who would get things done. “So you never eat?”

“Never. And I can’t experience things like you do. I can’t smell things or feel things, like the breeze. I've never felt the breeze. I've never smelled baked bread. When your mom made those cookies they other day and you kept whining about wanting one I couldn’t smell any of it. I just sensed it. I sensed it was going to be a good thing for you.”

“Oh.” He looked around again, just to make sure they were still alone.

“Can I touch you?” She’d lain beside him more than once, but they’d never really... _touched_.

Leslie smiled. “I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to ask.”

He was too, honestly. Leslie held up her hand, palm facing him. Ben did the same. His pulse had started to race and his eyes felt like they were bulging. Leslie’s hand inched closer.  

“Is it gonna hurt?”

“No. I’d never hurt you, Ben.”

Their palms met and warmth spread like ripples from the point of contact, filling all of Ben’s body. A wave of happiness washed over him, like that time his whole family had been at the lake house and no one was fighting. They were all just sitting on the beach, watching the boats go by. There was no pressure, no tension beneath Leslie’s fingers, but there was heat. She beamed. 

“How do you feel?”

He felt wonderful and told her as much. Leslie’s smile changed to a grin.

“Will you tell me about this movie now?”

He outlined the entire premise of Star Wars and then started it up again, Leslie radiating beside him the entire time.

*****

Lucy Watkin’s hazel eyes gleamed in the closet like a cat’s, threads of gold shimmering in the blackness. Ben gulped, his tongue swollen and his mouth dry.

“We...we don’t have to do this” he managed to get out just as Lucy yanked him down for a kiss.

His first kiss.

He tried his best to respond, but her lips were dry and soft and she tasted like strawberry lip gloss and it was all Ben could do to hang on as they moved over his. His hand went to her shoulder, her silky brown hair cascading over his fingers. Her lips parted and Ben’s tongue moved to flick against them like Henry’s men’s magazines said you were supposed to do -

Lucy shoved him away.

“EW!” She shrieked. “What are you doing?”

Ben’s whole face grew hot. “Uh...”

“Oh god. You... _ew_ . That’s so gross. _Ewwww_.” Lucy threw the closet door open and bolted back towards the rest of the party. Everyone started giggling.

“What’s wrong?” Teresa, her best friend, rushed forward.

“It was so gross!” Lucy squealed and reached for a can of diet coke. “Uggghhh, my mouth. Don’t use your tongue unless you know what you’re doing, Ben!”

“Ewwwww, you used your tongue?” Sam squeaked. “Gross.”

“It was so gross!” Lucy agreed. “And slobbery!”

Ben wanted to disappear. He wanted to evaporate on the spot or melt into the carpet or spontaneously combust. Everyone was snickering, so instead he ran to the bathroom.

Leslie was in there, eyes filled with sympathy. He scowled at her.

“Go away.”

“Ben.”

“Go away!” He tried to push on her shoulder but it didn’t work. Instead, he slumped down on the toilet seat lid and dropped his head into his hands. A little part of him wanted to cry, but that was probably the only thing he could do that would make this situation even worse. He didn’t know how to kiss. He was a bad kisser. By Monday the entire school would know.

Ben stayed there for a while until someone asked if he was crying or trying to poop. Ben told them to fuck off and Leslie growled at the door. 

“Ben” she turned and rubbed his hand. “It’s okay. Call Henry; he’ll come get you.”

“I’d rather die, thanks.”

She rolled her eyes. Ben swiped at his face and threw the door open. Instead of returning to the party, he stomped up the stairs to the basement and right out the front door without a word. People called after him and Ben ignored all of it, hurrying down the front steps and onto the pavement. It was a chilly night and a ten minute walk home, but he welcomed that.

After three minutes he started mumbling to Leslie’s glittering form to his left. She was wearing a red party dress, with thin straps and a twirly skirt. It made her skin look even paler and her lips even pinker. If Lucy’s eyes had been threaded with gold, Leslie's whole body seemed to be dusted in it.

“Lucy had never kissed anyone before like that.” Leslie explained. “She’d done the little peck thing but you kissed her and she’d never done the _Frenching_ thing before. She freaked out. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

It didn’t make Ben feel better. Lucy was popular and everyone thought he’d done something wrong.

“It looked like a nice kiss, Ben.” Leslie said sweetly. “If I could be kissed I’d like to be kissed like that. It was very romantic. Especially the hair touching - ”

“Oh my god, you watched the whole thing!” His cheeks were on fire now. “It was…private! You can’t do that! That’s so embarrassing! I need...that should be private. You can’t just pop in and watch that stuff.”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

His irritation deflated.

“It looked okay?”

“It was a very nice kiss, Ben. I’ve seen a lot of humans kiss.”

“Except she hated it and now the whole school will think I’m bad at it.”

“You’re not” Leslie answered confidently. “I may never have kissed anyone but I know what a good one looks like and you’re not bad at it. Some nice girl’s going to kiss you and enjoy it. I promise.”

 He smiled a little, letting Leslie’s shadow push him to the inside of the sidewalk as a car zoomed passed.

 "What are you doing?” He asked, forgetting the horrible kiss for a moment.

“Protecting you” she replied. “Don’t walk so close to the road.”

Three months later, Ben kissed Maureen Allistair on top of the ferris wheel at a local carnival. When Ben pulled away she was grinning and kissed him back for another three loops around. He got off the ferris wheel smiling way too hugely and Leslie was there, giving him a thumb’s up.

She was smiling too, but for some reason it didn’t touch her eyes that time.

*****

The casket was heavy, but he carried it with his father, uncle and Henry along with two friends of his grandfather’s he’d never met before. His grandmother stood in the front row of the church with Steph, clutching her hand tightly. His mom was a few rows back, dabbing her eyes lightly.

“He’s okay” a voice whispered on Ben’s left. It was Leslie, the blue of her dress matching her cerulean eyes perfectly.

“I saw him right after it happened and he says to say it’s better like this. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Ben squeezed his eyes shut to fight back tears and he felt the warmth from Leslie’s fingers spread through him as if it ran in his veins. She dropped her head to his shoulder and Ben’s throat tightened.

“He’s here” she whispered as Ben set the casket down with a eerie _thud_ at the front of the church. Ben glanced at Leslie. 

“Who?” he mouthed. Her smile spread.

 “ _Him_ ” she gestured at the casket. “He got here in time. He says you should have a scotch for him. Just a little one” she winked. “You and Henry.”  

Ben’s eyes burned and his hands started to tremble. He’d just seen his grandfather, cold and lifeless during the viewing the day before. He’d thought of summers at their lake house, fishing together and hearing stories about anything and everything. He’d thought of birthday cards with silly jokes inside them his grandmother had always hated.

 _That is not from both of us!_ She’d always said with a laugh.

“Where?” Ben starred Leslie down and this time the word actually escaped. Henry’s head darted in his direction and Ben gulped.

“With her, of course.” She gestured at his grandmother, whose tears seemed to have finally dried up. The wrinkles in her face had smoothed out and her eyes were closed, her lips no longer pursed in a tight line. She looked calmer.

“She feels him.” Leslie explained. “Like you feel me.”

Her warm fingers brushed his arm and Ben inhaled sharply. Every time she touched him he felt better. Ben squinted at where Leslie’s gaze had shifted to, but he saw nothing. He frowned.

“Why can’t I…”

“See him?”

Ben nodded.

“You only get one angel, Ben. He’s already spoken for.”

Leslie’s hand curled through his. He accepted the tissue when Henry offered it to him. He wanted to ask Leslie about God or the afterlife or something, but she wouldn’t tell him. He’d tried that once before and she’d said _some things have to remain a mystery, Benny_.

“She can’t see him?” He meant his grandmother. 

"No” Leslie murmured. “You were never supposed to see me either.”

“Why can I then?”

Leslie sighed, exasperated.

“Because I goofed” she admitted. “And also, I just really wanted you to know me.”

Ben was really glad he knew Leslie. Especially right now.  

*****

Sophomore year of high school Ben met Ann Perkins.

She was pretty and sweet and very friendly to everyone. She was kind of a nerd and really into science and ended up in his math class. She liked biology but she hated algebra. Six of them formed a study group who would meet at the library every other day. Ben would whine about having to memorize things and Ann would complain math was pointless.

“That is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in the entire world” Leslie gasped in his bedroom one night. His cock had been hardening in his hand under the covers but he had not been thinking about Ann Perkins. In his mind, Kathy Ireland had been doing naked aerobics. Ben groaned and willed his erection to go away. He started to snap something about privacy, but Leslie was still talking.

“You should kiss her all the time and get married and make beautiful babies. You should be so lucky.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “She’s just a girl in my class.”

“She’s perfect, Ben.”

“Nobody’s perfect. I have a guardian angel who’s always here and doesn’t respect my privacy.”

“I’m just talking, what could I possibly be...oh, crap.” Her blue eyes widened and she seemed to float off the ground. “Crap, I’m sorry. I forgot you did that now.”

Ben groaned as she glided out of the room. He was not going to be doing anything, at least not for the next few minutes.

*****

When Ben was eighteen he decided to run for mayor of his hometown.

“You’re running for _mayor_?” Leslie stared at him. “Because Cindy won’t go to the prom with you? Are you insane?”

Ben pulled the bottom of his t-shirt over his head. “Leslie, not now.”

“Ben you’re eighteen. It’s not - ”

“I’d be a good mayor.”

“You’re eighteen. You should go to college!”

“But” he yanked his shirt down. “I want to, Leslie. I want to do good things for this town and if I’m mayor now imagine what I’ll be by the time I’m thirty.”

“So you’re not doing this to impress Cindy?”

“ _No_.”

“Ben - ”

“I’m not, and your opinion doesn’t matter anyway. You don’t get to make decisions for me you know. You’re...a spiritual guider or whatever. You can’t tell me what to do.”

Leslie sighed. “Fine.”

“Fine!” He snapped at her. “And stay out of my face if you’re just going to be negative about everything!”

She faded into nothing and it was the loneliest Ben had felt in a very long time.

*****

He saw her again the day he got impeached.

He was packing up his office, after having just taken a final phone call saying his replacement would be there very shortly. He needed to “get lost”.

His secretary’s words.

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

The tears prickled the corners of his eyes, but he pushed them away. He was so tired, so embarrassed and tired. His parents were pissed off, the town was throwing rotten fruit at him and it was still four months before he could go to college.

Away from home, obviously.

He was a disgrace. He had already asked Henry if he could crash in his dorm until Ben had one of his own. At least Henry didn’t hate him.

But Henry wasn’t in Partridge to deal with the implications of being related to Ben ‘The Failure’ Wyatt.

“You were supposed to protect me.” He didn’t even look at her as he said the words, his throat raw as if he’d just swallowed shards of glass. “That includes stopping me from doing stupid shit.”

“You told me to go away.”

“You shouldn’t have listened! Now I’m the worst thing that’s ever happened to this town! Cindy won’t even talk to me, the unemployment rate’s climbing. My parents can’t even grocery shop without…”

“Ben” she climbed onto the desk as he piled things into a box. “Making mistakes is how we learn.”

“Well, this mistake didn’t just affect me, Leslie! I ruined the town!”

“You didn’t” Leslie moved to stand. “It’ll be okay, Ben - ”

“It won’t!”

“It will.”

He didn’t believe her. But at least this time she stayed with him as he took a walk of shame through City Hall. Garbage flew at his head as he went towards his car and Leslie growled under her breath.

“People are jerks.”

That made Ben smile for the first time in weeks.

*****

The cold heat built fast and furious deep in his balls and Ben groaned as he snapped his hips a little more erratically with every thrust. Laura writhed and whimpered in his arms. Her messy auburn hair stuck to his sweaty skin and even got in his mouth as he licked down her throat and back to her earlobe. Her nails dug into his back. She moaned his name softly as she shuddered and Ben released too, hot spurts filling her as Laura's heels dug into his ass.

They both groaned, and he rolled away and handed her a tissue. Laura arched and cuddled into his side.

“What time’s Steve back?”

Steve was his roommate. Ben murmured something about his class ending at three and Laura whined, pushing herself to the floor. Her breasts jiggled and when she stepped into her panties Ben fought the urge to pinch her butt.

She had a great butt.

She kissed him deeply and threw his boxers onto his stomach before finishing dressing and promising she’d see him later. Ben dressed lazily, greeting Steve when he pushed into their room and then declaring he was going to get some dinner.

Leslie was sitting outside, reading one of his textbooks with a furrowed brow.

“Oh” Ben stopped and looked around. The hall was empty. “Hey.”

“Hi.” She didn’t look up.

“Thanks for not...you know. Being there.”

“You’re welcome.” She still didn’t look up.

“Are you mad at me?” Ben didn’t know why he asked or cared. 

“No.”

“You sound mad.” And she looked mad too.

“I’m not mad.”

“Okay” he fished his meal card out of his pocket and stuffed his keys in the other one. Ben felt her warmth at his back when he pushed out into the January evening and headed to the dining hall. Leslie said nothing, but she was there. 

Mad or not, Leslie would be there.  

*****

“You really want to do this?” Ann asked with a frown. Ben hadn’t seen her in months but here she was, in his apartment in Indianapolis with a new, short haircut wearing pale blue scrubs. She sipped the beer Ben had given her and Ben took a gulp of his, putting spring rolls on both their plates.

“Do what? Go on the road?”

“It sounds pretty shitty.”

“It’s a good job. It pays well and it's good experience.” They settled on his couch. “What do I care about being on the road? I have no reason to be home.”

“Well...but you never will if you’re always on the road.”

 “The last time I had a home town I ruined it” it even sounded dramatic to his own ears. Ann rolled her eyes. 

“Ben, you made a mistake five years ago.”

“I ruined Partridge.”

‘You made a mistake. Mistakes happen, yours was just a very public mistake. You don’t need to condemn yourself to a life of isolation because of it.”

She sounded like Leslie. 

“I won’t be in isolation. I’ll...be meeting people in these towns I go to.”

“Where you’re gutting budgets.”

“When I’m helping them get back on their feet. There will be cuts, but balancing a budget is what I never knew how to do before and I’m going to stop other towns from being Partridge.”

He was gesturing a little too aggressively and saw Leslie appear in the corner. Ann’s brow was still furrowed with concern and Leslie floated beside her, eyes fixated.

“She’s still the most beautiful human I have ever seen. And also kind and good; she has good energy. Why don’t you love her yet?”

Ben snorted and Ann raised an eyebrow. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing” he picked up his spring roll. Leslie shifted again.

“She’s smart and she’s funny and you should marry her.”

He started to say something to Leslie about sexual attraction, but he wasn’t sure an angel could appreciate that. Instead he just kept chewing. Ann flipped on a movie and they didn’t speak for a while

“I am gonna miss you, Wyatt.”

“I’ll be back. I’ll still have an apartment here. And it’s not forever. It’s just to...show people I’m responsible.”

He wanted to run for office again some day. Maybe it was a pipedream right now, (maybe it always would be one,) but he wanted to at least try and give himself the option.  

Ann’s eyes locked on his and she set her plate down before giving him a quick hug. Her hair smelled like coconuts and her hands rubbed his back vigorously.

“Call me more than once every fiscal quarter, at least.”

He chuckled and went back to his food. Leslie sighed wistfully.

“Marry her, Ben.”

Ben shot his guardian angel an unimpressed look.

...Also, what exactly had she meant by  _yet_? 


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your kudos and comments. I'm so happy you guys liked this story and the concept. 
> 
> And again, thank you to c00kie for helping me work through all the kinks with this fic. <3 <3

**WATCH YOUR STEP, ASSHOLE. YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT OUT OF THIS TOWN ALIVE.**

“I’ll murder them if they try to hurt you.”

Ben, who had been just a little shaky upon receiving the note, looked up.

“That’s a very un-angel-y thing to say.”

“It’s not your fault they ruined their town’s economy. I mean, okay, maybe you can be a little nicer about the budget cuts, but…”

Leslie was in a beautiful, floor length dress that enveloped her completely while still fitting perfectly. It was a pale, almost silver lilac.

“Are you going somewhere?”

“It’s the annual ball for angels.”

“Oh.” Guardian angels have a party. Who knew.

“But, I’m not going. I’m staying with you.”

“Leslie, I’m alright - ”

“You got a  _ death threat _ , Ben. That is primo guardian angel territory. I’m not leaving you.”

“Go to your party. Dance with a cute boy guardian angel. I’ll be okay for a few hours.”

Her perfectly pale cheeks tinged pink, like he’d hit the nail on the head.

“What’s his name?”

“Ben, you are the  _ only _ man in my life.”

A little something twisted deep in Ben’s gut, but he couldn’t quite place it. Was he jealous? Annoyed? They didn’t even live in the same dimension and Leslie was always there for him. She was there for him too much. Surely she deserved some... _ angel fun _ .

But he kind of wanted to be the only man in her life.

“I’ll be okay, Leslie. Go see your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyf...I mean, there’s no guy!”

Ben smirked. “What’s his name?”

“David.” Her face was scarlet now, so vibrant and shiny she appeared sunburnt.

“Go see your angel boyfriend. I’ll be fine for tonight.”

Dress glittering around her, Leslie swooped down and brushed a dainty kiss on his cheek. A shiver rolled through Ben.

“Call Ann.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Ben, trust me. You and Ann have a very strong connection. You’re supposed to be linked together forever. That’s soulmate level stuff. I’m never wrong about these things.”

“ _ Maybe _ , I’ll call Ann.”

He didn’t call Ann, choosing instead to watch Blade Runner and trying his best not to wonder where Leslie was or what she was doing. The room seemed darker without her there, and his chest felt both tight and deflated all at once.

When he awoke the next morning she swept down, radiating sunshine. There was a big smile on her face.

He was glad she was back.

*****

“What’s this game called again?”

“Settlers of Catan. It’s better with more people.”

“You should ask Chris to play too!”

“I could, but Chris can’t see you, remember?”

Leslie bit her lip. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Would you rather play with Chris?”

“No.” Ben winced, imagining himself explaining the rules to his partner, who would declare everything  _ delightful! _ . Ben was not in the mood for that. “I need a break from Chris.”

“And you don’t need a break from me?”

“I guess not.”

Ben watched as she picked up the dice with a scrunched nose and rolled it a little too aggressively. It clattered back to the board and Leslie’s face relaxed. Ben rearranged the displaced pieces and dealt out some cards.

“How come you can pick things up but I can’t touch you?”

Leslie leaned back. “If I concentrate really hard all my energy focuses and I can use it to feel things; pick things up.”

“Like Ghost?”

“What ghost?”  

“No, I mean like the movie, Ghost.”

“I’ve never seen it.”

Ben glanced at the board and Leslie mumbled something about him shorting her one stone card.

“Can you feel me?”

She shook her head, brow setting in a frown again.

“I touch you sometimes but we don’t...you don’t feel it back.”

“No.”

“But you want to?”

“Yes.”

Leslie inhaled sharply and moved onto her knees. Her small hands reached out, Ben’s pores opening up to the heat emanating off of her. When her fingertips touched his jaw Ben felt it... her. He was filled with a buzzing warmth and pressure as she moved over him.

“That’s it.”

He gripped where they were connected, his fingers forming around the vibrations that almost felt like skin.

“Ben?”

He looked up as Leslie fell away. Her glow had faded and her eyes were a little watery.

“What’s - ”

“It just takes a lot out of you.”

“I’m sorry - ”

“No, no it’s okay. I wanted to too.”

He picked up the dice.

“How come rolling doesn’t do that to you?” The color had drained from her cheeks. Leslie shrugged. 

“I never asked. We’re not supposed to do that. I’m a very bad angel, Ben.”

His skin seemed to pulse, blood racing through his veins and a flush creeping up the back of his neck as the colors of the world blurred around him. His limbs twitched and his stomach lurched with the need for...more. He gave his head a shake just as Leslie interrupted his haze.

“Ben?”

“Mhm.”

“You rolled a 10. I want my wheat.”

She sounded annoyed he was taking so long and Ben chuckled, setting the card in front of her. Her glow was already starting to return.  

“Thank you.”

*****

“So, you’re not from around here?” The beautiful brunette stepped up to Ben. Her dark eyes were sparkly and her shirt was loose, but cut low, giving Ben a quick glance at her cleavage. ...And okay, yes, she looked like she had great tits.

“I’m Bethany.” She crossed her legs on the barstool. She’d heard him getting beers for himself and Chris and saying he’ll have whatever’s best.

“Ben.” He gestured to his chest.

“Same letters!”

“Uh, what?”

“In our names. We have the same letters.”

“Oh” Ben glanced over his shoulder. “Cool.”

Chris waved at him cheerfully. They’d just arrived in Terre Haute and as usual, Chris had suggested a night out to see the sights of the town.

“Do you wanna buy me a drink?” Bethany cooed. Ben supposed he should. He hadn’t had sex in a while, but his head was just not in it. Also, he hadn’t seen Leslie since he left Indianapolis that morning and he was getting just a little worried. Ben handed Chris a beer before turning back to Bethany. She was pretty, with chocolate brown eyes and pouty lips.

“What are you having?”

*****

A bit over an hour later he was making out with Bethany in the back of the bar. Her kisses were shallow and his tongue kept missing her mouth as she pulled away and then dove in again. Bethany giggled and moaned and he supposed she was into it, but it also made Ben wonder if she’d squirm away every time the tip of his dick got anywhere near her. And honestly, his dick was not that interested in its current situation. Maybe a few faint stirrings here and there, but these kisses were doing nothing for him.

That’s when he heard her voice.

“Crap on a carp...”

Ben yanked away from Bethany, but there was no Leslie in sight. Bethany asked what was wrong and Ben’s eyes darted around the room.

“Leslie?”

No answer.

“Leslie, I know you’re here.”

Bethany studied him. “Are you hallucinating or something? Did you just drop acid?”

Ben pulled a face. “No. My friend’s here.”

“Where?” Her tone was disbelieving.

He waved her off. “I gotta go.”

“Are...what?”

“I gotta go. See you around, maybe.”

He called to Chris he was leaving and pushed through the bar and into the cool, early spring air. Leslie sat on the curb, biting her lip and winding a strand of hair around a finger.

“Hi.”

“Why did you leave!?” 

“Uh” Ben glanced around. “Because I…”

He realized he didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Why had he left Bethany? Because he’d been worried about Leslie all day? Because he wanted to talk to her about something important? Because….

He’d missed her.

“Well, where the hell were you?” He growled, hoping to deflect the conversation. Leslie lifted an eyebrow.

“Taking care of angel things, and then you were making out with a hot girl.”

“Right.”

“So I stayed away. Normally you’re much faster at closing the deal. Why were you kissing for so long?”

“Uhhh…”

“Don’t you want to have sex?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because if the kissing is bad you don’t want to have sex with them.”

“I thought humans always wanted to have sex.” Leslie mused.

He gestured ahead of them with a glare. “I’m tired. I’m gonna go back to my motel.”

Leslie fell into step beside him, her body sandwiched between his and the street. He glanced over and realized she was wearing a Carleton College sweatshirt, only in shimmering black instead of the school colors. It was massive and quite gaudy. Her hair was in messy pigtails and her pants were black too.

“I’ve never seen you in black before” Ben said. Leslie heaved her shoulders.

“It’s a day for black.”

“Why?”

“My partner dumped me because I’m a workaholic.”

“Your partner?”

“David. That angel I was with. He was my partner. It’s like a boyfriend, only not quite the same. We don’t really do boyfriend and girlfriend things, we’re just bonded that way. But he does not want to be bonded that way anymore.”

“He broke up with you?”

“We don’t call it that, but I suppose so. Because I’m never around. He wakes up in the morning and I never even came to bed  - ”

“Wait, you sleep? I’ve never seen you sleep.”

“We recharge. Our auras need to recharge. Mine needs less rest than most angels for some reason.”

“Oh.”

Come to think of it, she did look a little worn out right now.

“So what do guardian angel partners do?”

“Well, we’re bonded, like I said. We feel each other’s emotions and our souls are connected.”

“He’s your soulmate?”

“Not in the human sense. When we decided to get bonded our souls kind of...twist together. So when he doesn’t want to be bonded anymore…” she trailed off and Ben watched her eyes flood with moisture.

“It feels like your heart’s being ripped apart.” Her shoulders slumped.

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. We weren’t bonded for very long at all. Most angels who do stay together for eternity. I thought we would too. Destroying the bond is very painful.”

The walked in silence after that, but Ben definitely saw diamond-like tears slip down Leslie’s cheeks. Ben led the way to his motel, holding up a hand to the guy behind the front desk and heading for the staircase. Leslie wiped her face and yawned. He slipped his key into the lock and opened the door to his apartment. It closed with a soft  _ thud _ and Leslie reminded him to use to deadbolt and chain. 

“Can you recharge anywhere?”

She nodded, wringing her sweater between her hands.

“Rest here then. With me.”

The words were out of Ben’s mouth before he could think about what he was really saying. Leslie frowned.

“That’s - ”

“If you want, I mean. If you can recharge with me there”

“I’m not sure that’s wise…”

“You need sleep” Ben turned. “I’ve known you my entire life and never seen you yawn.”

“I suppose.”

“So stay here.”

A soft smile played across Leslie’s lips. She obeyed when he told her to turn around while he changed into clothes for sleeping. Ben settled on the bed and Leslie climbed on beside him while he killed the lights. Her glow wasn’t disruptive at all, it was sort of calming, actually.

“You could be having sex right now, Ben.” 

“I’m happy with my decision.”

“You’re working so hard. You probably need more sleep anyway.”

“I want to run for office again some day.” He said it out loud, to the air. Leslie rested her hand on top of his. “I have to show people I’m responsible.”

She rolled into him. “You are responsible. And you’ll do a great job when you run again, I have no doubt.”

“Can you see the future?”

“No. I just know you.”

Ben squeezed his eyes shut tightly to keep them from stinging.

“For what it’s worth, I think David is a moron for not wanting to be bonded to you. Even if you are very loud and never sleep.”

She scooted closer.

“Goodnight, Ben.”

“Night.”

*****

“Are you going out tonight? Find yourself a hottie?”

Ben pulled a face and Leslie blinked. She was back in color. A blue dress that twirled when she walked.

“Did I say that wrong?”

“Don’t say that at all.” He pulled a shirt over his head. “I’m going to the movies.”

“Alone?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you want to meet women?”

“No, I want to go to the movies. Do you want to come?” 

“I go where you go, Ben.”

“To the movies.”

They walked to the nearby theater. It was a crisp fall night and Ben turned the collar up on his jacket as Leslie skipped beside him, humming quietly. Once inside the theater, they sat in the back. Leslie leaned over and whispered things into his ear as the coming attractions played. Ben would whisper back and occasionally they shared a laugh. It was a pretty bad movie, but Leslie was grinning when they left.

On the walk home, he felt the inexplicable urge to grab her hand.

*****

He knew that girl.

Megan? Megan. He went to college with her. She was still pretty, with huge green eyes and light brown hair that skimmed her shoulders. She beamed at Ben and ran over. 

“Hi!”

“Hey.”

“Ben, it’s so good to see you” she hugged him tightly, her breasts pressing flush against his chest. Her hair smelled like oranges.

“It’s good to see you.” 

“I didn’t know you were back in Indianapolis!”

“Just for a few weeks. How’s…”

“Teaching’s great” she finished, saving him from wracking his brain to recall what she was doing now. “It’s so rewarding.”

Ben smiled. “What grade?”

“Fourth. They’re a handful but I love it.”

“She’s got a good soul, Ben.” Leslie called behind him. “Sorry, not that you care, just in case you were wondering. She’s as good one. Not as good as Ann for you, but a good one.”

“It’s so nice to see you!” Megan exclaimed again. “Are you free? Do you wanna go get a drink or something and catch up?”

He didn’t, honestly. He’d been walking in the park with Leslie, detailing how different flowers smelled as best he could to someone who had never smelled anything before. She loved the park. Was he supposed to just ditch her because a girl he knew eight years ago appeared out of nowhere?

“Ben,  _ go _ ” Leslie gestured happily. “Go out with her!”

“Uh” Ben scrubbed at his cheek and glanced at Megan. “I’m actually supposed to be meeting someone. But...raincheck?”

Megan deflated just a little, but nodded. Ben took out his phone and keyed in her number. He wasn’t going to call her. He could feel it as he pressed every button. Leslie was frowning beside him.

“Why don’t you want to date her?”

“That’s great” Megan blushed a little. “I can’t wait to hear from you.”

Ben ignored Leslie’s scowling and waved at Megan before turning the opposite way down the path.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“She’s cute. She’s nice. Ann’s dating that Jeff guy - for now - ”

“I don’t love Ann!” He barked. “I’m never going to love Ann.”

He was yelling at his guardian angel; he quite possibly was crazy.

“Then you should definitely go on a date with Megan” Leslie said simply. The way her blue eyes turned up at him, it was impossible to say no, and she probably did have a point. He hadn’t been out with anyone in a while.

Ben called Megan that evening.

*****

The summer was good, when Megan wasn’t at school she drove to meet him all over Indiana. They had quiet dinners on patios, sex in what felt like every motel in the state, and called each other almost nightly.

Chris liked her. The three of them went out for dinner in Indianapolis one night and Ben invited Ann, who had just broken up with Jeff. Leslie murmured in his ear “this could get awkward” but it did not. Megan kept leaning into him and rubbing his leg and Chris and Ann didn’t tear their gaze away from each other.

“They’re both so beautiful, they probably just want to see each other naked.” Leslie whispered. Chris called Ann  _ enchanting _ over hors d'oeuvres, and Ann said Chris was “kind of a really great guy” when he went to empty his well hydrated bladder. Megan prattled on about double dates to come and Leslie just stared at Ben curiously.

“Are you sure this is okay?”

He gave a slight nod, a smile playing on the corners of his lips. Leslie didn’t believe him.

He ended things with Megan in early October. She was in full swing at school and he was in the southern most corner of Indiana dealing with a total budgetary meltdown. After six weeks of not being able to see each other, or even carve out much time for phone conversations, they’d called it quits. They met, exchanged boxes of stuff, and kissed one final time.

He didn’t miss her when she was gone.

*****

“You are really good at that.”

Ben turned to face the statuesque redhead who had just sidled up to him. He was back in Indianapolis. Chris and Ann had invited him out for dinner and drinks and they’d ended up at a bar to watch the Pacers game. Ben set down his third dart and gave a shrug.

“Thanks.”

“You are” she smiled brightly. She was taller than him in heels and her deep set almond eyes seemed to burn holes in him. “I’ve been watching you.”

“Ben Wyatt is  _ excellent _ at darts.” Chris jumped in cheerfully. “Would you like to join our game?”

“Oh, I’d love to. ” The woman touched Ben’s arm and pressed into him, leading with her hips. “What are you playing?”

“This is the last round though.” Ben ignored Chris’s perplexed look. Ann definitely raised an eyebrow. The woman’s short nails flashed against his skin, obviously hoping to elicit a reaction. It did, but not the one she wanted. .

“Got somewhere to be, Wyatt?” Ann asked.

“No, I just...it’s late.”

“It’s ten-thirty.”

“I’m…” Ben glanced around, searching for an excuse and finding Leslie in the dark corner of the room. Her eyes flitted between their group and the TV. She looked sad.

“Ben - ”

“I’m sorry to...impose I guess.” The tall redhead did not seem sorry. She appeared offended. Leslie’s gaze locked on Ben’s across the room. The pull in the pit of his stomach had returned and his instinct said to go to her. The redhead left and Ann got to her feet.

“Dude, what the hell? Rude much?”

“I wasn’t into it.” 

“You’ve been acting like a weirdo since you broke up with Megan. I didn’t even think you liked her that much.”

“I didn’t.”

“So what’s wrong with that one?”

“It’s not...I’m not feeling like dating right now is all.”

“ _ Why _ ?”

“I’m just not.” He drained his beer and threw his last dart, which won him the game. Chris started to congratulate him, but suddenly the whole room felt too hot. He needed air, clarity. Something was wrong. You weren’t supposed to turn down dates because your guardian angel looked lonely, you weren’t supposed to be glad you spent Christmas with them and only them. Leslie was an entity, a thousand year old entity assigned to help him through life. What he was feeling...it was all in his head.

But he had to get out of there.

He hugged Ann and shook hands with Chris before making a beeline for the door. Leslie was right behind him when he turned around.

“Ben” her voice was low.

“It...it was nothing...it was. I have a headache.”

“Ben - ”

“I have a headache, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. I know you.”

“Well you don’t know about this!” He snapped at her.

“Is it because Ann’s with Chris?”

“No!”

“Because it’s one thing for them to date, but it seems like they’re getting serious.”

“For fucks’ sake!” He snapped, gesturing wildly,. “I don’t care about Ann like that. I never have and I never will. Will you stop bringing up Ann every five minutes?”

Leslie took a step back.

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t want to go out or stay out because I just wanted to stay with you. I always just want to stay with you.”

The blood was pounding in his ears so loudly he barely felt like he could scream over it.  

“I’m an angel, Ben. I’m always with you.”

“That’s not what I meant.” A few people stared at him. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Leslie’s eyes widened. “What do you mean then?”

Ben sighed, turning on his heel and heading back towards his apartment.

“Ben, talk to me.”

“Inside.” He growled. They moved quickly and silently until Ben threw open the door to his building. Leslie hiccuped. She rode the elevator with him, her rosy cheeks unnaturally pale and her fingers tugging and pulling at the jacket she was wearing. She was such a fidget.

When they were inside his apartment she barked at him to sit.

He didn’t.

“I love you.”

Leslie recoiled like he’d just punched her in the stomach.

“You...what?”

“I love you. You’re the only person, entity, whatever, that I want to be with. And when you...you were looking at me when I was talking to that girl and you looked...upset. And I don’t want to make you upset.”

His teeth seemed to vibrate as he said the next words.

“And I think you might be in love with me too.”

Leslie, who had been staring at her hands, lifted her gaze. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“You...I’m sorry I looked upset. You shouldn’t...I shouldn’t have...you shouldn’t have seen that.” 

“Were you upset?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“You don’t think about my feelings, I think about yours.”

“Answer the question.”

She hesitated and he stepped forward.

“Leslie.”

“Yes! Fine, okay?! I was upset. I wanted to punch her dumb face! I’m the worst angel in the whole entire world. But also, Ann’s the - ”

“Do not say it.” He was growling again. “This has nothing to do with Ann. Even when you’re annoying the crap out of me, you’re the only person I want to be with.”

She smiled, but it was faint. Her voice trembled when she spoke. “You could be playing darts with a hot redhead right now and instead you’re here with me.” 

“I only want to be here with you.”

Leslie wiped her eyes.

“Honey” the endearment rolled off his tongue easily and he reached out. He wanted to touch her, but his fingers pressed into nothing. Leslie’s shoulders slumped.

“Oh god, this is breaking every rule in the binder.” She covered her face with her hands. “I have to go.”

“Leslie - ”

“I’ll be back, but I have to go. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.”

“Leslie, where are you - ”

“I have to go, Ben!”

She disappeared in a beam of light and Ben’s entire living room fell dark. He realized he hadn’t turned on any of the lamps because Leslie had been there, a light unto herself. He slumped on the couch, head in his hands.

Ann texted him and he ignored it. 

Chris texted him, he ignored that too.

Ann called twice and then texted him again. This time, he picked up his phone.

_ Please tell me what the hell is going on with you and that you’re not face down in a gutter somewhere. _

Ben sighed and wrote back.

_ At home. Going to bed _ .

They left him alone after that.

He watched some Hallmark movie for a while and then turned off the TV after three beers. He fell asleep on the couch.

When he awoke, the sun was up, a blanket was around his shoulders and Leslie was there, kneeling beside him. It made Ben wonder about all those times he’d fallen asleep somewhere that wasn’t his bed and woken to find someone had covered him. He’d always assumed it was his mom. How many times had it been Leslie?

She was sad, but tried to force her mouth to curve upwards.. He reached out to rub her cheek. There was nothing to rub, as usual.  

“Good morning.”

“Hi.”

“You love me.”

“I do. It’s just an inconvenience you’re not human.”

She sighed and he reached out to push against her cheek for the second time. His fingertips feeling like they were about to be seared off.

“I love you too.” She moved away and sat on the coffee table, removing a bright red binder from thin air and setting it in her lap. She cleared her throat.

“So I have devised a fourteen point plan to remedy this.”

Ben sat up and smoothed down his hair, which was everywhere. Leslie bit her lip.

“What’s your plan?”

“Step one is to tell my boss.” She said.

Ben blinked. “God?” 

“Noooooo” Leslie snorted. “No, Ron. You think I have access to God? I’m a level ten angel Ben, that’s level one talk. Pay attention.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Two, I remove myself from your case - ”

“What!? No.”

“Three, you date lots of women without me around.” 

“Uh, this is the worst plan I’ve ever heard.”

Leslie scrunched up her nose.

“Four, you fall in love with someone who isn’t me.”

He rolled his eyes. “What are points five to fourteen?”

“They involve various tactics I will engage in to stop being in love with you. Humans get over this stuff way faster than angels do.” 

He snorted.

“I need to go away, Ben. Give you some space.”

“That is the absolute last thing I want.”

“Well, it’s happening.”

“And what if we do all of this and I’m still in love with you?” 

Leslie swallowed. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

“This is insane.” He stood. “Not being around you isn’t going to make me stop feeling like this.”

“Ron thinks it will. He says human emotions are fickle - ”

“Well, Ron is a jackass, and…”

He trailed off when she climbed right onto his lap. There was no weight on his thighs, but she was there. He stared at her and she stared back, blue eyes intense and gaze unwavering. His breath hitched.

“Go away if you want, I’ll still love you.”

“I don’t want to. But it’s for the best.”

Ben sighed.

“But I’ll be back. It’s not forever.”

“It better not be.”

“I just won’t feel right until I give you the chance to move on. To be happy.”

“I’m happy with you.”

Leslie’s lips brushed his forehead.

“Jean Ralphio will be here soon. He picked the name, don’t ask. If he does his job right you won’t even know he’s there. Meet women, date, fall in love, marry Ann, I don’t care. Just...please try.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I know. But please try.”

She stood abruptly and then Leslie was gone. The burning of her lips the only thing Ben had left to hold onto.

*****

Ben dated and had sex, as per his guardian angel’s mandate. He did not fall in love and he certainly did not marry Ann. She and Chris moved in together in Indianapolis, and though Chris was still on the road a lot, he was deeply in love with Ann Perkins. He was tired of being away from her.

Ben knew how Chris felt.

Shannon was a tall brunette he met at the office. They saw each other six times. She told him about her family, about wanting to move back to California.

He thought about Leslie the entire time.

Amanda, who he met several weeks later, did not talk much at all. He spent a few nights fucking himself into an exhausted heap and couldn’t have cared less when she didn’t call him again.

He met Rachel in Bloomington a year after Leslie left. She was smart, beautiful and definitely kept Ben on his toes whenever he walked into the City Hall with a padfolio in hand and budget slashing on his mind. He might’ve felt something for her, had his mind not still been preoccupied with anything and everything related to his guardian angel. He wondered where she was, who she was with. Was she angel-ing for someone else? Was she bonding herself to anyone these days?

It was in Gary, five hundred and thirty one days after she disappeared from his life, that Ben smashed his car into a tree and lost consciousness. It was a particularly cold and snowy day and he hit a patch of black ice. His car spun out like it was in slow motion and then...right into a tree.

The police and ambulance arrived. He was removed from the vehicle and taken straight to the hospital, where the doctors came to see him in some fancy room with a lot of surgical equipment.

He saw Leslie appear when they were asking him questions. Red in the face in a skimpy little nightgown that remained perfectly in place as she walked. She snapped her fingers and a robe wound itself around her.

“Where the hell was he?” She snapped at no one. “He’s...what kind of a guardian angel let’s someone crash their car into a tree!”

Ben wanted to tell her it was a minor accident, but Leslie was on a rampage. She started blasting accusatory questions at him. Chris also ran in, eyes filled with concern, but Ben barely acknowledged him. 

“I missed you very much” Leslie admitted. Ben offered a little smile.  

“And you dated and…”

Nothing. There was nothing but Leslie.

“And you don’t love Ann.”

He shook his head, eyes darting towards Chris as a doctor examined his knee, the swollen one that had gotten jammed into the steering wheel.

“They are very sweet together.” She admitted.

“Leslie!” A new, shimmering person appeared. A tall, skinny man with a crazy amount of hair and a sly grin. He wore tight jeans, a blazer and a colorful scarf. Oh good lord, this wasn’t -

“Jello shot” the man tossed the scarf over his shoulder. “I’m your guardian angel now, little buddy. Leslie can’t do it, she’s got the hots for you.”

Leslie shoved and Jean Ralphio fell backwards.

“YOU LET HIM CRASH HIS CAR INTO A TREE!”

“I’m all about guiding, baby. Not preventing. He was going too fast.”

“You were going too fast.” She spun to face Ben. “Don’t ever do that again.”

Her nose scrunched and the doctor asked him something else, but Ben couldn’t focus on anything but her.

“I’ll stay with him” Leslie told Jean Ralphio. “You can go.”

“Whatever you say, beautiful. Keep smiling.”

He snapped his fingers and was gone again. Leslie came to sit on the bed, arms of medical workers pushing through her as they moved. After a few minutes Ben was declared fine, stable, and told to rest there for the night.

Chris came up to hug him and then the room was empty and there was only Leslie. Still glowing.

“I missed you too.” He draped an arm around her. Leslie sniffled into the pillow.

“And I still love you, by the way.”

“Me too.”

“And I tried. And I hated it.”

She smiled a little. “I know you did.”

“So now what?”

“We stay like this until I figure something out.”

Ben rubbed her hip reflexively, even though nothing was there to rub.

They would. They had to.

*****

Leslie disappeared for twenty four hours after he was settled at home in Indianapolis post-crash. He slept for most of the time and when she returned, her jaw was set and her blue eyes were blazing.

“Leslie - ”

“I want to be with you.”

Ben set down his laptop and stood to face her, his knee still throbbing under the weight. She pushed a long blonde strand of hair out of her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I can be with you.”

“What do you mean?” His mouth suddenly seemed to be filled with chalk. He ran his tongue over his teeth as Leslie balled her fists.

“I asked Ron. I can be human.”

“Uh, what?”

“I can...give up being an angel and be human...with you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that - ”

“You’re not asking me, I’m telling you. I want to be with you and I can be so I’m going to be.”

“Leslie - ”

“I love you very much.”

Ben slumped back to the couch and Leslie came to stand beside him.

“You wouldn’t be an angel. You’d have to give up immortality - ”

“Yes.”

“You...would die.”

“Yes. And I would be with you.”

He wasn’t worth that. For as much as he loved her, he wasn’t worth all of that. She’d been an angel for a thousand years and she’d give all that up for what, fifty with him? That was a blink in time for her.

“And then we will both die one day and we’ll be together then too.”

He flashed to his grandmother’s funeral a few years earlier. Leslie had promised she was with his grandfather and they were happy. Ben had felt at peace because of that knowledge. His fingers twitched and he reached out to touch Leslie, but as usual, nothing was there.

He was so tired of nothing being there. But he couldn’t...

“Leslie, you can’t do this.”

“Do you not want me to?” Her words sliced through him and Ben shook his head rapidly.

“I want to be with you.” He said simply. “But not - ”

“You want to be with me.” She cut him off, eyes narrowed. “No buts.”

“What you’d give up - ”

“That’s my decision, not yours. All need to know is if given the choice you’d want to be with me, no matter what.”

“Yes.”

Leslie’s blue eyes had turned glassy and she gave him a watery little smile.

“I’ll be back. Don’t get into trouble while I’m gone.”

She disappeared and Ben was alone again.

*****

On Thursday, Ben went to work on crutches. He talked to his boss, reviewed his upcoming assignments for the new few months and grabbed a drink with Chris. When he came home it was to an empty apartment. Leslie was nowhere to be found.

On Friday, Ben did the same thing. Ann and Chris invited him to dinner, but Ben said he had other plans. He got a chicken parm, went home and watched Star Trek, and missed Leslie some more.

On Saturday morning Ben pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and ventured out to get a coffee from the shop around the corner. He never seemed to have groceries anymore, whether he was in Indianapolis or on the road. Coffee in hand, Ben turned the corner back to his apartment.

It was then he saw her.

She was standing outside his building in a cotton dress with a little jacket over top of it. For once, nothing seemed to be coated in sequins or glitter. Her hair was shorter, loose around her shoulders, and her nose was scrunching.

Ben quickened his pace, and then froze in his tracks. A light breeze ghosted over him as it picked up Leslie’s hair. Her eyes fell shut.

_ Holy shit _ . He ran to her.

“I like that” she said when she saw him. The breeze had returned. “Also, something smells delicious down there” she gestured towards one end of his street. “Can we go get whatever it is? OH, and also I want to try chocolate.”

Ben’s hands were shaking. She was so small, so much smaller than she had ever seemed before. His hands would take up her entire waist and she barely came to his chest. His heart was pounding, his blood molten in his veins.

She was human.

“I have a headache and it’s a little cold. I think I need a better jacket.”

He hadn’t moved, his coffee cup crushing under his fingers. Leslie stared at him as her breath hitched.

“Ben. Say something.”

He swallowed hard.

“You said…you said you wanted this. You told me…” her words were tinged with desperation. “Ben - ”

His crushed coffee cup fell to the ground as he stepped forward and his hands slid into her hair. Leslie gasped as his mouth landed against hers, her small fingers gripping the sides of his arms. She tasted like strawberries and sunshine and that only made him kiss her harder. His limbs were shaky and her curls slipped through his fingers like silk.

His tongue flicked and Leslie murmured, lips parting under his. His arms wrapped around her, lifting her into his chest as she pushed up on her toes.

She really was so small.

He kissed her chin, nose and finally her forehead before burrowing his face in her neck. She smelled like sunshine too. And she was cold. She shivered and he breathed warmth into her skin like she’d done to him so many times before.

He scooped up her face and kissed her again, lighter this time. She giggled and Ben felt it vibrate through him.

“See? I knew Lucy Watkins had it wrong.”

“What?”

“About your kissing - never mind.”

This time when their lips met everything was deeper and his tongue slid into her mouth. She groaned, fingertips pressing into his throat.

“Let’s go inside.”

“But I want to try chocolate.”

“I’ll buy you a mountain of chocolate later, let’s go inside.”

“Beeeeen. It’s my first day as a human, I don’t want to be inside. I want to eat chocolate and pastries and feel the breeze and smell flowers and meet Ann.”

“And meet Ann.” He lifted an eyebrow. “You wanted me to marry Ann.”

“I thought you were  _ supposed  _ to marry Ann. You’re supposed to be connected, but now I think it’s through me. So Ann and I will be best friends and you’ll be with me.”

“Great” he took her by the hand. “Let’s go inside.”

“Nooooo” Leslie laughed easily, pulling back on his arm. “The bakery.”

Ben sighed, drawing her palm to his mouth. “Fine. The bakery.”

Her smile lit up her entire face.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He dropped his hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She cuddled into his chest as they walked.

“I want to go to the park too.”

“We’ll go to the park.”

“And to the - ”

“Babe, we can do whatever you want. Just not all at once.”

She pulled him down for a slow kiss and they both exhaled.

“We should go inside.” She whispered against his mouth, foreheads pressed together. Ben nodded eagerly.

“After you buy me chocolate first.”

He grinned, warmer than he’d ever felt with angel Leslie pressed against him. She pecked his lips before dragging him towards the smell of baked bread and whatever else lay ahead for them.

Ben couldn’t wait to find out.


End file.
